Leo Frincu

What is success? If we go with what Wikipedia has to say, success is a level of social status or the achievement of an objective or a goal.

I believe the definition of success is reaching your best potential. Success is being content with who you are, what you’re doing, and where you’re headed. Success is being happy, whatever you think happiness is.

Everyone talks about being successful, however, I think most people subconsciously don’t really want to achieve it.

 The majority of people struggle, starting at very young age, to achieve the acclaimed, the most wanted, “SUCCESS”. The epiphany is that most people don’t really understand the real meaning of success. During this period of achieving “success”, people are building an identity for themselves. Because of the length of the effort, people get very familiar, sort of comfortable in this conflict state; it almost feels like “being at home.” Also, because success is built on hard work, they start associating success with struggle. If I’m struggling, that means I’m building success. It starts to become who they are. Struggle becomes us. However, if you think about it,  their conscious goal is to escape, to reach the impossible, to achieve success. Most people want to be successful in order to stop the struggle, whether that be physically or mentally, therefore, peoples will spend more time struggling or working towards “success” then actually living it.

Now let’s think about what happens when people do reach success.  When people reach the unknown, the famous “success”, like everything else, there’s going to be a period of accommodating with the new “successful lifestyle”. This is no different than any other relationship, some people can adjust but some people cannot. Surprisingly, there are more non-adjusters than ones who actually adopt and enjoy the new and successful lifestyle. The non-adjusters, somehow through a series of decisions, get themselves right back to where they started, back to the comfort zone, back to the “struggling” phase.

Once this happens, they’re the first ones to blame someone else for their situation rather than taking responsibility for their own decisions.

 The interesting fact is despite the fact that this is happening right in front of our own eyes, we are unaware that we are sabotaging our long earned success. This sabotage is due to subconscious issues that have not been resolved or confronted.  Since we subconsciously associate success with hardship, once our life becomes somehow easier, we feel a slight discomfort. We subconsciously are being attracted to that old negative energy and pattern.

Believe it or not, this same formula can be applied to any relationship. Most people associate love with drama. When someone is in a relationship and that relationship is paired with drama and fighting, overtime that individual will start to associate love with drama…they become one of the same.  When there’s arguing and fighting, they believe there’s love. When things are calm and there’s no conflict, they think love is missing.  Again, we allow past patterns to define our current situation and we allow our subconscience to destroy the goodness that is already there.  Not to mention, most people find it easier to blame the other person rather than looking inside and evaluating what is really going on.

 Now, what about those individuals that are born into money and endless opportunities?  Believe it or not, the same formula applies to them. Since their opportunities come easier, they have no reason to be motivated and hustle. When you are born with lots of opportunities, over time, you somehow start taking them for granted and lose sight of when new opportunities are rising.  Easy access with no earning means no value. They are born into a comfort zone. They associate success with comfort and no struggle. That’s what success means to them. It is the complete opposite from people who are born with less opportunities.

 Everyone nowadays define success with having money or assets. Since that’s the case, people are working to achieve success, therefore everyone is trying to become rich. Since people are motivated by money they are not paying attention to what their passions are. You are more likely going to pick the wrong path in life if you are only motivated by money. Let’s assume you reach success and make lots of money doing something that you don’t necessarily enjoy. You’re going to start resenting yourself, your job, the money you make, and ultimately life. Again, that is not the definition of success.

My goal with this article is to raise some awareness and to help you acknowledge how sometimes our decision might take us on the wrong path. I’m wishing you to reach real success and happiness and make sure it stays that way. Good luck.

I had no confidence. I loved to be down. I was afraid. It was horrible. In a sadistic way, I wanted to struggle, to suffer. After years of analyzing my own behavior, I now understand that was the only way I was able to gain my self-confidence. I wasn’t born with this skill. I needed to earn it. I earned my self-respect. I earned and learned to love myself. I had to go through hardship to become the man I am today. There was no other way. We subconsciously, yet purposely, put ourselves in difficult situations for a reason. We need to prove to ourselves that we are worth it. We need to convince ourselves that we are important. We need to build our foundation of self-confidence. It’s a very hard process, however, its doable. Your relationship with yourself is no different than any other relationship. You need time and work to get to know yourself. You almost need to go through a trial period to validate your own self-worth. Everyone does. The question is, how long is the trial? For some people, it can take a lifetime, for others less, but let me tell you, it’s well worth it. You will know when you get there. You will feel it deeply in your soul. Your confidence will show her presence through your actions. Your confidence will be your partner in your success. Now you’re probably wondering, how and when will I know I’m worth it? Some things we need to find out on our own. This is one of them. You will know you’re worth it by the way you think about yourself and others, by the way you speak, by the way you eat, by the way you carry yourself. Everything you do represents who you are. Your decisions and your actions will be your first sign of self-worth. Your thoughts will be another prediction of self-confidence. Every day, every moment you’ll have the opportunity to get to know yourself better and improve your relationship with yourself. Pay attention to your actions, they are the product of your decisions which are the result of your thoughts. You are worth it only if you think you are. Good luck.

All the motivators nowadays are talking about chasing your dreams and not look back. Basically they’re telling you to not worry about what happens if you fail, like failing isn’t an option. On the other hand, the same people are talking about how failing it’s good for you, which I agree with. However, it seems to me like they’re contradicting themselves. I just put a video up explaining why a “plan B” is important to you and I want to explain more in detail what that means. Some people are asking, why even put the idea of failing in someone’s head? First of all, I’m not making you feel any different about yourself than you already do. Second; If we all agree with the statement “failing is good for you” how come no one is talking about failing? Now I’m coming back to follow up on my statement with this video, and what I am actually saying is, having a plan B really means being OK with worst case scenario. If you go after your dreams and happen to be a responsible person and understand that you might fail, you will ask yourself: What is the worst case scenario? Which you can also translate to : If I fail, what do I have to face? In that case, if you are ok with ”the worst case scenario” or “plan B”, that will only motivate you more to go after your dreams. That will only push you forward rather than hold you back. Don’t let your ego distort your reality. Truth is often unpleasant and uncomfortable. Be honest with yourself, accept it for what it is and make the necessary changes if needed. Good luck.

Earning vs. Entitlement

By definition, earning is the product of an effort or a struggle.  It’s an accomplishment.  It is usually something we desire, something we want to have, and something we’re willing to work hard to achieve. Usually, when we earn something, we give it value and it becomes important to us. You earn it — therefore you own it.  Now, we all have things that we value, things that are important to us. These could be relationships, physical items, activities or even emotional connections.  I will explain why these need to be earned.

 On the other hand, entitlement is something we think we deserve.  Gaining something through entitlement doesn’t involve any struggle or effort. The reason I want to write about this is to explain the importance of earning versus expecting to have something or get something without any effort.  Another reason for writing this piece is to create awareness about unrealistic expectations for generations to come. Our current society, or the modern era as we know it, is very new and continuously changing.  For example, we adults and our parents and grandparents experienced the birth of electricity, the invention of the airplane, astronauts landing the moon, the creation of the internet, cell phones, iPhones, and much more.  We have pretty much experienced all the great inventions of our humanity.  However, these are very new discoveries. We even witnessed the beginning of the 21st century.  I believe we are the most fortunate generation to experience all of this; however, it comes with a price. Now let’s take a look in more detail with regard to what is actually happening with our generation and the ones to come. Our grandparents taught our parents some valuable lessons in life. Lessons about earning respect, character, and sacred ideas about how the world and society should function. You’re probably thinking most of these lesson are outdated and don’t apply anymore in today’s society. Wrong.  Some things never change. For example, back in the day, our grandparents had to earn everything. Everything they came into contact with needed to be created or invented. Nothing came as is. For example, in some cases, tomatoes needed to be planted in order to have a salad. Chickens had to be raised in order to have chicken soup — and the list can go on and on.

 These were valuable lessons our parents learned from their parents… the importance of earning and being independent, the importance of relying on yourself first, before looking for help from someone else.  These kids (our parents) grew up and became parents themselves; however, things aren’t the way they used to be. Our parents witnessed their parents building their own house, lesson learned.  Our parents witnessed their parents earning food and money.  Another lesson learned.  Our parents witnessed their parents building businesses and creating jobs and opportunities.  Some of our parents become entrepreneurs themselves.

 Now you’re probably wondering, what’s the point?  Let me tell you. What are our kids witnessing these days?  What are the earning lessons we are teaching our kids today?  What is valuable to the next generation when everything is done by someone else?  Let me tell you, not much. Your grass is cut by someone else. Your house, your car, your clothes are cleaned by someone else and even your hair is washed by someone else sometimes. Your food is cooked by someone else.  Pretty much, everything is done by someone else at this point. What is a child learning by seeing all this?  “I don’t have to do anything because someone else is doing it for me.”  That’s what they’re learning.  I bet you’ve heard about “the entitlement generation,” right?  It is happening before our own eyes.  Nowadays, parents give their children mostly everything that is asked for.  There is no earning involved. Things come easily as if it’s supposed to be this way.  I also hear people, especially self -made millionaires or successful entrepreneurs saying, “I don’t want my kids to go what I’ve gone through.”  Really?  Whatever you’ve gone through made you who you are today. Why deprive your children of such valuable life lessons?

 This new generation hasn’t witnessed anything compared to what we and our parents experienced.  I believe this generation has a hard time understanding that things don’t come easy. Today, earning is something we don’t teach our kids. Today’s society is trying to build winners the wrong way. They’re brainwashing children in our school system to believe that everyone’s a winner without teaching them the importance of earning.  Our society worries about hurting someone’s feelings or damaging someone’s self -esteem and promotes a false equality. Today’s society fosters cultural and emotional collectivism.  It’s small scale socialism where everyone is equal.

 But this is basically against human nature. We are competitive by nature. It is necessary to have losers and winners.  Earning your wins builds character and gives an individual value.  Losing can build strength and character and will provide you with tools to learn about yourself.  If you are protecting everyone’s feelings, you are crippling their ability to earn and reducing their belief in themselves. We hear about people raising their kids; however, what that really means is feeding them in order for them to grow and nothing more.  Raising kids these days doesn’t seem to mean preparing them for life.

 How come when you ask anyone about life, it’s always the same answer: Life’s tough. We all know that life is hard, brutal and doesn’t care abut our feelings. Life doesn’t take any prisoners.  So why don’t people “train” their children for what life is going to be like as they grow up?  It’s like children are being trained to play chess when they are going to be competing in a boxing match.

 Let’s associate raising your children with training. How would you train for something that’s hard and brutal and doesn’t care about how you feel?  You would need to simulate the same scenario on a smaller scale. You would need to reenact, in a safe environment, situations your children are going to encounter later in life. If you know that later in life you are going to need to earn in order to survive, why wouldn’t you start learning skills that will help you achieve that from an early stage?  Why hand everything to your child instead of making him or her earn it somehow?  Where are the life lessons in that?  People need to earn everything, from material things to emotional connections, and even love.  One of the reasons everyone is divorcing these days and relationships aren’t like they’re supposed to be is because people expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter. When love is earned, relationships have a stronger foundation. When money is earned, it has a higher value.

 In order to build champions in life, you need to raise your children properly. Train them for real life. Make them stronger, smarter, and independent. Train them to be self-reliant. People need to stop thinking about themselves when raising children and start thinking about their children’s needs instead. They need structure, boundaries, and security.  It’s not easy but it’s doable. We need a strong and reliable generation to take over the reins of the future. This is just the beginning.  Amen.

People and the value of their relationships… everyone tries to figure this out.  However, in most cases, people don’t ask themselves a very important question, how much am I worth?   People get married and sometimes people get divorced. California is a state that awards spouses with alimony in case of divorce if the marriage lasts longer than ten years.  In most cases, all the assets are added up and then split in half, regardless of who brought the most income. Let’s call it the 50/50 law.

It is frequently reported that the divorce rate in America is 50 percent.  The Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that “probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue.”  It’s a no-brainer to realize that the percentage would actually be higher if it wasn’t for the 50/50 law.  Because of this, many couples are staying together even if the relationship is no longer alive, living miserable or fake lives because they’re not willing to let go of the half.

But what does that mean?  Let’s assume you think that you and your assets are worth one million dollars and, in case of a divorce, you might have to give away $500,000.  Now let me ask you, how much are you worth?  How much are you willing to pay for your happiness? If you think you’re worth one million, but you’re not willing to pay 500K to be happy, to live the life you want, how much do you think your happiness its worth?  In this case, in your mind you are worth less than 50% you think you do. If you sacrifice your happiness in your only life by staying in a bad relationship and still think that it’s worth it, you are wrong.  No matter how much you think you have to lose by leaving, you are actually gaining.  You are gaining more value by living in a happy, fulfilled, and honest relationship with yourself than staying in a damaged relationship with someone else.

People think they own assets.  However, when you have hard time letting go that means your assets own you. If you stay in a bad place/ relationship/job/career or anything that is destructive just because you’re afraid to lose it, that something/ job/career/low self-esteem owns you.  Let it go. Love yourself more than you love your money, your car, your house or anything material, temporary or superficial.  Why?  Because you are worth it.

Listen to Leo Frincu take on Fitness and Life Coaching on World 1st Fitness Radio from February 2nd 2012 (link below). Enjoy it.

 http://ftns.co/#ftns_podcast=intervew-with-leo-frincu

Where do you see yourself later? What are you aiming for?  What are your ultimate goals? Everybody has a dream. Each one of us wants to end up successful, rich, famous, debt free or whatever our dreams might be. One thing I am absolutely sure of is that we all have dreams and goals.  By definition, a dream or a goal is something we want to achieve in the future.  It’s something we’re usually working on at the present time.

 Now let’s look at the situation from a different angle. It seems obvious that the person we are today is different than the person we want to be in the future. We can easily say that there are two of us. There’s us at the present time (with goals and dreams) and us in the future – successful and living our dream and achieving our ultimate goals. Most people know exactly who they want to become in the future.  We even picture ourselves there: famous, rich, older, wiser, skinnier, successful.

 In my opinion, what most people fail to recognize is who they are RIGHT NOW.  In order to get where we want to be is to acknowledge who we are RIGHT NOW and to know our habits. Habits are things we do on a regular basis that we are not always aware of.  In other words, habits are our behavior patterns. These behavior patterns define who we are. We are what our habits are. Today’s habits are deciding if we’re going to achieve our goals and live our dreams in the future.  The person that we are right now has to be on the same path with who we want to become in the future.  These two “people” need to be in alignment.

 Now that we have established that, how many times have you heard someone say, “This is who I am and I cannot change?”  Everyone wants to achieve their goals. Everyone wants to become that successful person in the future. Now the question is, how are you going to achieve success or whatever your goal is if you cannot change who you are today?  Subconsciously people try to hang on to who they are at the present time claiming that “this is who they are” even if it doesn’t serve their purpose. Most people are having a hard time letting go of their present habits NOT knowing that these habits are probably keeping them in the same place.

 It is so easy to recognize habits.  We can look at any person on the streets and distinguish what kind of habits they have.  Our habits are written all over us.  Our habits define who we are. We cannot aim for a lean body if one of our habits is eating poorly, right?  Now take a minute and write down your goals. If you are like me, you might have more than one goal: to keep healthy, become financially secure, etc.   After recording your goals, write down your habits. Are they on the same path with what you’re trying to accomplish? Are your habits helping you achieve your goals?

 We all have likes and dislikes. You can tell me that you cannot change something because you like it too much. Or, on the other hand, you cannot do something because you don’t like it. What you need to remember is that you are in control. You’re the one who makes the decisions.

Now let’s discuss what you do like.  If you like something, it is because you choose to do so.  Every like and dislike is something that we choose.  Any new likes and dislikes are something we can train ourselves to do or decide we’re going to do.  It’s an exercise like any other one.  If you are trying to lose weight and don’t like steamed veggies or you don’t drink the proper amount of water every day, tell yourself the opposite.  Start programing your mind/brain that you like steamed veggies and that you must drink more water.  Training your brain into a new habit is like training a muscle. The more you do it, the better you get at it.

Everybody wants to become somebody. We are all more likely to achieve success if we like the road that gets us there. Pay attention to your habits in order to learn how to change them if necessary. You are in control of yourself. All you need to realize is that you are doing it for yourself. Yu are the beneficiary of your actions. Don’t allow any bad habits to interfere with your lifestyle. Know who you are and what your habits are.  Make sure they are supporting your goals. Have an amazing day. Thank you.

Gratitude is the key to happiness. Everyone has been in a relationship, whether of one month or five years. We are all familiar with do’s and don’ts of what makes relationships successful and we all know everyone’s different. I won’t talk about that.  What I will talk about is the one thing everyone must do in order to sustain a healthy and happy relationship. First and foremost, as individuals, we have our own set of beliefs, habits and perspective in life which is what makes us who we are. Each one of us is unique in our own way.  What separates us from each other are our life experiences and the way we respond to them. Another quality that differentiates us is the way we treat ourselves and others. We find our partners based on these criteria. That is why two people are attracted to each other.

                                                                                                                                           Relationships and dating are combinations of events that two people experience together while getting to know each other. In order to have a healthy and happy relationship, you MUST appreciate your partner not only at the beginning, but also after the honeymoon is over. You must appreciate the goodness your partner has to offer. That gives him or her value.  By doing that, you are encouraging him or her to keep acting in a positive way. When you start taking your partner and his or her goodness for granted, you stop expressing your appreciation.  In doing that, you cease giving your partner value.   There is nothing more damaging to a relationship then reducing someone’s value or bringing it to zero.

 Let’s compare this behavior with an ounce of gold. The demand and appreciation that gold gets is what makes it valuable. As soon as we stop appreciating gold, if the demand for gold goes to zero, you can even give it for free and no one will want it. Gold will become worthless. If you stop appreciating your partner subconsciously and even consciously, you will start showing it by your actions and behavior. By doing that, you are taking the value out of the individual. 

 Gratitude is validating someone’s identity. Being grateful for someone being in your life i mandatory, not only to maintain a happy and healthy relationship, but also in supporting your partner’s value to himself or herself.  As the gratitude fades away, your partner will become resentful, and confidence in themselves and the relationship will slowly disappear. People will react in two different ways to this behavior. A strong individual, with a strong core of beliefs will stand up for himself, communicate and solve the problem. On the other hand, there are people who choose to stay involved in that altered relationship, but their confidence in themselves will run on empty. That will lower their self-esteem which will lead to living miserable lives. That’s a common reason for people gaining weight as well as all-around poor performance.

 Another issue, how many times have you heard someone say that they are tired of being alone and can’t wait to find their Mr. or Mrs. Right? How many times has the incompatibility with one person been the driving force that causes the search for a “new and improved” mate?  In both of those instances, the true desire is to have a happy or fulfilling relationship, yet the focus is instead on loneliness or the current mate who isn’t getting the job done.  If what we focus on grows, then all we will get from that type of attitude is more loneliness or yet another mate that we are not 100% happy with.

If we start our relationship quest from a position of power, and focus utterly and completely on what we want the new relationship to be like, then that is exactly what will ultimately manifest into our lives. In order to have a successful relationship, you must know who you are and what you want. Have your mental checklist handy before getting involved in any serious relationship. Have a great day and good luck finding your prince (or princess!)  charming. Thank you.

I first met Ronda Rousey a little over a year ago.  A good friend of mine Darrin Harvey, later to become her manager, called me and said, “I have a girl I want you to check out. She’s an Olympic Judo medalist.”  When I heard that, I knew that she had to be an elite athlete. I know what it takes to compete and win a medal at the Olympic Games and very few people can do that.  Ronda walked in my office and talked about who she is and what she wanted to accomplish. She immediately caught my attention.  I have trained with several Olympic teams and numerous champions and know what it takes to become one. After two training sessions, I called Darrin and told him “Ronda is your new future World Champion in female MMA.”

That was the beginning of an amazing journey.  A dream was born.  After a couple of weeks of training and discussing her future, Ronda asked me and Darrin to help convince her mother to let her go forward with her new career. I was never asked before to do something like this.  We looked at each other and agreed to have lunch. It was on a Wednesday early afternoon when we met Ronda and her mother, Dr. AnnMaria De Mars for lunch in Venice, California.  Dr. AnnMaria is a former Judo World Champion with an extensive background in Judo and knows what it means to start a new sports career.  Ronda just turned 24 years old. Our mission was to convince Ronda’s mom that Ronda had what it takes to become the best in the world in women’s MMA. AnnMaria’s favorite word during lunch was “skeptical.”  She was constantly repeating that she was skeptical about our plan and insisted that Ronda needed to focus more on an academic career. We could not disagree with her because Ronda is a very intelligent girl. AnnMaria wanted nothing but the best for her daughter; however, we knew what we had in Ronda.  We totally believed that Ronda had what it takes to become a World Champion.  It was a very intense meeting. We felt like we were negotiating Ronda’s future.  After an emotional lunch, we ended up asking her mother for one year. We asked for one year to take her to the top of the ladder. We had given ourselves one year for Ronda Rousey to become a world renown mma fighter. That was a year ago. We can proudly call it Mission Accomplished.

I am very fortunate to be part of Ronda Rousey’s amazing journey.  From her first amateur fight to the title shot, she displayed an impeccable work ethic, discipline, and willpower.  Ronda experienced tough times during this period.  However, these were just obstacles on her way to accomplishing her dream.  I often said to her, “You’re already there.  Picture yourself being on top of the world. Visualize winning the world title.”  Ronda Rousey is one of the best female athletes in the world.  She will continue to be for many years.

All you need to accomplish your goals is hard work and discipline; then everything will become reality. There’s no excuse for not going after your dreams. You don’t have to worry about whether you can handle it because with every new responsibility that is placed upon you, your spirit will grow to match it.  Your capacity will enlarge and your abilities will improve. You must always believe and know that you have the potential. The resources are available. The opportunity is here. The only thing missing has been your decision to go for it. Let Ronda Rousey inspire you to start your journey and make your dream come true.

If you want to read more about Ronda Rousey’s amazing skills, check out my article, “Ronda Phenomenon“.

I strive every day to understand people and the world we live in and often I come up with an answer.  Well, this time I’m stuck and I might need your help.  I came up with the conclusion that we are the only “animals” on planet Earth who are consciously hurting ourselves.  Since we are able to make decisions and live with the consequences, we seem to be in constant pursuit of hurting ourselves.  It is as if we want to be in pain.  Now my question is, why? Let me explain to you what I mean.

 Let’s take for example a regular person who tries to get in shape. We are all familiar with the struggle people go through to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  And my question is, why are we struggling? Why do people struggle with something as vital as living a healthy and longer life?  Why is something so important a struggle? 

Okay, let’s say you have made a decision to get in shape.  You have consciously decided to eat healthier from now on.  That’s great.  How is that making you feel?  I’m sure it helps you make you feel good about yourself. How many times have you decided to go for what’s good for you and your goals instead giving in to certain cravings?  If you are like most people, you probably did it quite often and I congratulate you for that.  So far so good…

 Now, let me ask you this.  How many times have you had a healthy meal but wished you had had something different, something you crave? There’s no doubt that at some point you’ve said or heard someone saying out loud, “I wish I could have mashed potatoes instead of steamed veggies?”  This is just to give a little example. I don’t have to be a psychic to guess that it has been many times.  Knowing that a particular craving is not in alignment with your goals, why still crave it?  Why are you still wishing to have or do certain thing knowing that eventually it’s going to hurt you?  It’s like saying, I wish I could have a little poison every day and, hopefully, one day that’s going to kill me. It makes no sense. Why do we go for short term rewards versus long term consequences?

In this case, we cannot call it subconscious sabotage anymore since we’re talking out loud about it. Every day we’re telling ourselves, and others, what our self-destroying wishes are.  We need, for once, to start paying attention to what we’re saying. What is our message? How many times have you made public your sabotaging wishes?  Once you acknowledge your thought process, you’ll be able to start shifting it towards to what you want to accomplish. You need to believe that what you are doing is right for you.  Treating yourself right needs to become a priority to you.

Let’s now compare our behavior with a wild animal.  How many times have you seen a lion eating grass knowing that it will slow him down?  How many times have you seen an animal eating the wrong food knowing that it eventually will kill him or disable its surviving skills?  Not many.  Since we are the most intelligent living species on earth, why are we consciously doing so much harm to ourselves?  In order to gain control we need to control our cravings.

 You’re probably saying that craving is a chemical reaction, but I have to disagree with you.  I will tell you a personal story to prove the opposite.

Every morning I wake up and have a cup of coffee. I add a splash of Half and Half and two (very little) bags of Splenda.  Since I know Splenda is not good for me (in the long term), I still make the choice to have it. It helps the coffee taste better.  However, today I wake up and start pursuing my usual habit when all of a sudden, I ask myself, “Why are you doing this to yourself?”  Knowing that Splenda’s not good for me, why do I choose to have it?  Big wake-up call.  Immediately I put the Splenda back on the shelf and say to myself: “You will love the coffee without it as well.”  I made the CHOICE to love the coffee without my usual artificial sweetener. Guess what?  It worked.

Believe it or not, I didn’t even notice the difference. My desire to pursue a healthy lifestyle was stronger than the crave itself.  I don’t believe in cravings.  If you give in to your cravings, your goal it’s strong enough to compete with them.  Bottom line; control your life by controlling your cravings.  There are a few ways you can do that.

Like any other fight, we all do better when we know who we’re fighting. When the craving takes over our mind and our spirit, it becomes us. It’s harder when you need to fight with yourself; therefore take yourself out of the picture. Give the craving an identity.  Give the craving a face and body or even a name — usually a name you hate… like “Bad Boy/Girl.”  When craving takes over, you become a different person.  You become that “Bad Boy” or that “Bad Girl.”  

 We all have an ideal person we want to become.  Every person has a goal for himself or herself in terms of who they want to be or become in the future. Now picture yourself that person.  Fast forward into the future and picture yourself “skinny, rich, successful, married” or whatever you want to be or become. You can even give it a name like “Smarter Mike” or “Skinny Tammy.”  That’s who you want to be in your future.  Now you look back at becoming that craving. You’re becoming that “Bad Boy.”  Every time you have a craving that is not in alignment with who you want to be or become ask yourself, “What would smart Mike do now?’” or, “Would skinny Tammy eat that right now?”  Acknowledge that you are doing this to yourself.

 Seek the answer and regain control.  Hold the power.  Keep the “Smart Mike,” “Skinny Tammy” or whatever you want to be or become on your sight. Don’t ever take your eyes off the prize. Eventually you will become the person you always wanted to be. Eventually you and “Smart Mike” or “Skinny Tammy” will be the same person.  It’s an exercise like any other. The more you practice it the better you will get at it. That is the ultimate accomplishment.