Leo Frincu

I strive every day to understand people and the world we live in and often I come up with an answer.  Well, this time I’m stuck and I might need your help.  I came up with the conclusion that we are the only “animals” on planet Earth who are consciously hurting ourselves.  Since we are able to make decisions and live with the consequences, we seem to be in constant pursuit of hurting ourselves.  It is as if we want to be in pain.  Now my question is, why? Let me explain to you what I mean.

 Let’s take for example a regular person who tries to get in shape. We are all familiar with the struggle people go through to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  And my question is, why are we struggling? Why do people struggle with something as vital as living a healthy and longer life?  Why is something so important a struggle? 

Okay, let’s say you have made a decision to get in shape.  You have consciously decided to eat healthier from now on.  That’s great.  How is that making you feel?  I’m sure it helps you make you feel good about yourself. How many times have you decided to go for what’s good for you and your goals instead giving in to certain cravings?  If you are like most people, you probably did it quite often and I congratulate you for that.  So far so good…

 Now, let me ask you this.  How many times have you had a healthy meal but wished you had had something different, something you crave? There’s no doubt that at some point you’ve said or heard someone saying out loud, “I wish I could have mashed potatoes instead of steamed veggies?”  This is just to give a little example. I don’t have to be a psychic to guess that it has been many times.  Knowing that a particular craving is not in alignment with your goals, why still crave it?  Why are you still wishing to have or do certain thing knowing that eventually it’s going to hurt you?  It’s like saying, I wish I could have a little poison every day and, hopefully, one day that’s going to kill me. It makes no sense. Why do we go for short term rewards versus long term consequences?

In this case, we cannot call it subconscious sabotage anymore since we’re talking out loud about it. Every day we’re telling ourselves, and others, what our self-destroying wishes are.  We need, for once, to start paying attention to what we’re saying. What is our message? How many times have you made public your sabotaging wishes?  Once you acknowledge your thought process, you’ll be able to start shifting it towards to what you want to accomplish. You need to believe that what you are doing is right for you.  Treating yourself right needs to become a priority to you.

Let’s now compare our behavior with a wild animal.  How many times have you seen a lion eating grass knowing that it will slow him down?  How many times have you seen an animal eating the wrong food knowing that it eventually will kill him or disable its surviving skills?  Not many.  Since we are the most intelligent living species on earth, why are we consciously doing so much harm to ourselves?  In order to gain control we need to control our cravings.

 You’re probably saying that craving is a chemical reaction, but I have to disagree with you.  I will tell you a personal story to prove the opposite.

Every morning I wake up and have a cup of coffee. I add a splash of Half and Half and two (very little) bags of Splenda.  Since I know Splenda is not good for me (in the long term), I still make the choice to have it. It helps the coffee taste better.  However, today I wake up and start pursuing my usual habit when all of a sudden, I ask myself, “Why are you doing this to yourself?”  Knowing that Splenda’s not good for me, why do I choose to have it?  Big wake-up call.  Immediately I put the Splenda back on the shelf and say to myself: “You will love the coffee without it as well.”  I made the CHOICE to love the coffee without my usual artificial sweetener. Guess what?  It worked.

Believe it or not, I didn’t even notice the difference. My desire to pursue a healthy lifestyle was stronger than the crave itself.  I don’t believe in cravings.  If you give in to your cravings, your goal it’s strong enough to compete with them.  Bottom line; control your life by controlling your cravings.  There are a few ways you can do that.

Like any other fight, we all do better when we know who we’re fighting. When the craving takes over our mind and our spirit, it becomes us. It’s harder when you need to fight with yourself; therefore take yourself out of the picture. Give the craving an identity.  Give the craving a face and body or even a name — usually a name you hate… like “Bad Boy/Girl.”  When craving takes over, you become a different person.  You become that “Bad Boy” or that “Bad Girl.”  

 We all have an ideal person we want to become.  Every person has a goal for himself or herself in terms of who they want to be or become in the future. Now picture yourself that person.  Fast forward into the future and picture yourself “skinny, rich, successful, married” or whatever you want to be or become. You can even give it a name like “Smarter Mike” or “Skinny Tammy.”  That’s who you want to be in your future.  Now you look back at becoming that craving. You’re becoming that “Bad Boy.”  Every time you have a craving that is not in alignment with who you want to be or become ask yourself, “What would smart Mike do now?’” or, “Would skinny Tammy eat that right now?”  Acknowledge that you are doing this to yourself.

 Seek the answer and regain control.  Hold the power.  Keep the “Smart Mike,” “Skinny Tammy” or whatever you want to be or become on your sight. Don’t ever take your eyes off the prize. Eventually you will become the person you always wanted to be. Eventually you and “Smart Mike” or “Skinny Tammy” will be the same person.  It’s an exercise like any other. The more you practice it the better you will get at it. That is the ultimate accomplishment.

First of all, don’t hate just because I might have a different oppinion than yours…

Today I’m going to talk a little about religion. Everybody knows that religion is a sensitive subject… but why?  It is a sensitive subject because, by trying to understand it, by trying to put rationality into it, you might shatter people’s lifelong beliefs. By putting logic into something so emotional and so ingrained in people’s beliefs and ways of living , you’re going straight to their core. You’re going toward a path allowing doubt to enter their foundation of beliefs about God.

That’s why there’s no questioning about it. Believe me, no one will allow that.  Nobody wants to all of a sudden realize that everything they believed in from generation to generation is questionable or not even true. The history of believing is far too long and much too established to even try to contest it.  There are lots of religious organizations in this world such as Christianity, Judaism, Catholicism, Buddhism … just to name a few. One of the most prominent religions has God as a leader figure to which people pray and believe in.  I have absolutely nothing against any religion. As a matter of fact, if it helps people to stay positive and motivated, I’m all for it. I believe, at the beginning, the founders of any religion had good intentions. Their intentions were to give people a way to live a structured life and to follow a set of beliefs to help them conduct healthy and positive lives.  The ultimate goal was to bring families and communities together.  Also, religion, allegedly, is supposed to give us a meaning in life and a hope for more… which is life after death. Now I have a questions for those dedicating their life to religion — why do you sacrifice your life, your only life, for something no one can prove exists or been there to talk about it?

 Unfortunately, now, far from the original purpose of having a positive influence in people’s lives, religion has transformed into a totalitarian empire.  Nowadays people and countries use religion as a tool to manipulate others to commit crimes against humanity.  Religion is also used in politics to manipulate voters and gain control and popularity.  How is it that something originally designed to be so good for you can be used to create so much pain?

 These are just a few example of what religion can do. Please don’t get me wrong, it does a lot of good, but that’s all we hear about. We’re not here to talk about that; we are here to talk about things people usually don’t talk about, especially the ones practicing religion.  All of a sudden, religion starts becoming a competition.  My religion’s better than yours type of thing.  As soon as anyone questions religion, that person is immediately labeled as an atheist or a non-believer and treated almost like an enemy.  Why?  If I respect your beliefs, why you shouldn’t respect mine, even if they are different from yours?

 I have often found myself using God’s name in everyday conversation. Using God’s name has become part of our society and our vocabulary. Now I have a few questions myself regarding religion and God. You have to agree with me; nowadays the church is one of the most profitable businesses in the world.  The global recession seems to have had no impact; their profit is still escalating.  Would you like to guess why?

 First and foremost, most part of religion is fear based. When you’re seeking support and guidance you’re coming from a vulnerable place. Religion goes to the core of people seeking guidance and then manipulates them.  Notably, people are threatened with going to a horrible place called “hell” if they don’t believe in God or follow their church’s rules. Now where is the goodness here? There’s no doubt that church uses scare tactics in order to recruit and maintain its followers.

 By now you probably are getting a little nervous because I’m touching a sensitive spot.   Let me tell you, there is a reason you feel that way. If religion made sense and had a solid structure, there would not be any more misinterpretations and it wouldn’t be a sensitive subject.

 We are all familiar with many athletes who proclaim their faith in public. How many times have you heard “I dedicate this win to Jesus” or “With God’s help, I was able to accomplish this or that,” or “God helped me achieve this victory.”  I bet you have heard these assertions many times over.  Nothing wrong with that.

 Now we all know that God gets credit for anything good that happens. God gets credit for the victories and wins.  But let me ask you – who is really responsible when you lose? Since everyone gives their praise to God publicly when they win — how about when they lose?  Why does no one ever go public and say “I thank God for this loss because He wants me to learn a lesson.”   Or, “I deserve to lose because God chose that.”   Or, “I thank God for getting injured in this game.” Let’s think about it.  Who is really responsible for the failures?  Why is no one making this public?  Why do people only mention God why when things go well?  You’re probably saying, there is a reason for your loss.  God is testing you. How many time have you heard, “God is testing my faith in Him.”  Really? Why, when you voluntarily and with an open heart choose to dedicate your life and your spirit to God, does he choose to test that?  Since you believe in Him, why he doesn’t He believe back? Why does God doubts your faith in Him?  Why does He need to put you to the test? It looks to me like God’s got some trust issues.

 Another issue. We both agree that religion/church is a business.  On July 15, 2007, the Los Angeles Archdiocese announced the largest church settlement of sexual abuse lawsuits to date, agreeing to pay more than 500 alleged victims a total of $660 million. There was a massive settlement; all charges were proven as guilty. Let’s compare religion/church with restaurant business/restaurants .  If we found out that there were 500 food intoxication cases followed with a lawsuit and a massive settlement, do you think that the restaurants involved would still be in business?  Do you think people would continue to eat (pray) at that restaurant? I don’t think so. So why do people accept this?  Because no church member is allowed to question anything that church does. That’s why.

 Since the Bible encourages a man to marry a woman, why doesn’t the Catholic Church allow priests to get married?  Since marriage, as both a natural institution and a sacred union, is rooted in God’s plan for creation and perpetuation of our species, why are priests not allowed to have sex? Perhaps there are economical and financial reasons.  Well, it sounds like a double standard if you ask me.

 Another point. We experience disasters and tragedies every day in which people are killed or injured.  On the other hand, we often witness when someone’s life is saved or miraculously spared.  Immediately God is given credit for that. How about the ones who didn’t get lucky?  Why is God not being held responsible for the tragedies?

Most people would probably say “God didn’t make that happen,” and I would reply right back saying, “God ALLOWED for that to happen.”  Right?  Why no one does ever publicly say that?  I have often heard the saying “People do bad things to people, not God.”  Okay, and then when people do good things to people, give them the credit for that and not to God. Listen, I’m not against God.   I just have some questions.  It needs to make sense to me before I invest my body and spirit in religion.  I understand that people need to believe in something, but how about believing in themselves?  Let us all take credit when some good thing happens.  Let us all take credit for the dedication, discipline, and hard work we put into accomplishing our goals.  Let us take credit for our successes since we are the ones who are also held responsible for our failures.

 I believe everyone should be his or her own God. If everyone would start to believe in themselves like they believe in God, there would be more success stories around.  Bottom line … God won’t take care of people’s business until people do it for themselves.  I believe if more people would turn inwards for guidance rather than seek it somewhere outside themselves, there would be more peace in the world.  If there were more people seeking answers within themselves, there wouldn’t be anyone else to blame besides themselves, and therefore there wouldn’t be as many crimes happening in the name of God.

 It’s not easy, but it’s doable.  If you look inside yourself and then take action, you will be the only one held responsible for the outcome. If you find the answer, that means you own it.  And there’s the difference between spirituality and religion. You own spirituality and religion owns you. Have great day. Thank you.

1) What is so special about you and what you do? 

 First of all, I know what I do. I’ve been involved in athletics since I was a little boy. I know everything about the human body, how it works and how long it takes to achieve your goals. It’s almost like a gift that I have. It’s pretty amazing. My favorite selling tool is common sense. It has to make sense to me and you before starting any training program. It’s all about being honest; you cannot fake that. Also, I love what I do and that shows in my work. It’s all about passion. I am passionate about helping people achieve their goals.  It makes me feel good that I can have a positive influence in someone’s life. A while ago I started asking myself: What is my purpose? What is my role in life? I wanted to make a difference. You see you’re not born with this — you need actively to pursue it, actively need to discover it. At some point an opportunity came and I became an entrepreneur in the business of helping others. What can be more beautiful than doing what you love and getting paid for it?  What can I say, I am a fortunate guy.

 2) What inspired you to stay so disciplined? 

 I wanted to succeed. That’s why I left Romania, to come to the United States and do something with my life. I didn’t know what I wanted to do but I definitely knew what I didn’t want. I didn’t want an average life with an 8 to 5 job. I wanted to discover my passion and somehow turn it into my career. That was my goal and in order to do that I needed to stay disciplined. You cannot achieve success without sacrifices.  It’s about how much you’re willing to let go in order to move forward. Discipline sounds like such a hard thing to do, sounds more like a chore; however, it’s not like that. It’s more like an empowering thing. Discipline sounds hard only when you looking at it from a “victim” mentality. You see, when you say “no” to things, you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself because you cannot do this or cannot do that. For example, when you say ”no” to junk food, sedentary activities or other instant pleasure generated activities or hobbies, you should feel empowered because you have the strength to do it. You have the power. You should feel good about yourself because you are doing it for yourself and not for someone else. Saying “no” in order to achieve your goals is hard only when you don’t care about yourself, only when you don’t love yourself.  Therefore, I like to use the term “structured lifestyle” instead of “discipline.”

 3) What are the three most common fitness mistakes? 

 a) People don’t have patience anymore. They want everything fast. One thing you cannot rush is how your body works. Your body’s going at its own pace. All you can do is to help it go faster in the right direction. Nowadays everything is fast… the Internet’s fast, food processing is fast and people tend to believe they can do the same thing with losing weight. They’re doing all kind of cleansings or fast diets that don’t last and then they’re right back where they started. By definition, “diet” it’s a temporary thing, therefore remember one thing, whatever you are doing right now, whether it’s exercising, diets, relationships, pretty much your lifestyle, if you cannot sustain for the rest of your life it is most likely you will not stick with it. For example, regarding any quick fix — there’s a reason they are only designed for a short period of time. It will hurt you or be detrimental if you do it for long a period of time.  People need to remember, there’s no “quick fix”… always question that. When you say “it’s too good to be true”…lemme tell ya, most times it is!!!

 b) Weigh-ins. People are so hung up on the numbers. I always hear people saying, I want to lose 10 lbs, or 15, or 20… and I ask back, “How did you come up with that number?” It’s not about the scale; it’s not about the number of pounds. It’s about how you look and how you feel. Stop weighing yourself every day. Stop stressing yourself over the numbers. During your exercise program you might even gain a few pounds. Don’t panic, these pounds are muscle weight. The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn, therefore the more fat you lose. It’s a no-brainer. 

 c) People should eat more often. People think if they want to lose weight they need to starve. No. You need to eat. Small meals throughout the day. You need to make sure you have your fruits, vegetable, fats and protein every day. Every day when you’re sitting down at the table and you’re about to eat, take a few seconds, look down to your plate and ask yourself: how is this meal serving my goals? Is this what I want to do to myself? People eat a bad food and immediately feel guilty about it. Well there’s a reason you do that. Why do you want to feel that way? What’s the reason behind it? Before eating every meal, look down and ask yourself again: How is this meal going to make me feel about myself? Really seek the answer and make the change of necessary.  There’s a reason for everything, even for eating a meal that doesn’t serves your goals. There’s a subconscious reason when you still making the choice to eat it. Your job is to find out why you doing it.  Nowadays food is a social thing and brings people together which it’s cool.  However, make sure you’re looking down on your plate and see that you’re doing the right thing.

 4) What are the three most important rules people should live by to accomplish their fitness goals? 

 a) Discipline.  You need to have discipline; it builds character and confidence. Again, you’re doing this for yourself. Even when it comes from someone else like your doctor, or your trainer, or your family, it’s still about yourself.

 b) Structure. Once you set a goal, make sure everything you do is towards accomplishing that specific goals. Decide on a plan of action, write it down if you need, and stick with it. Look at it every day. remember what you need to do every day. Another thing, make it public, make sure your friends and family know about your goals and give you the support you need. Don’t be shy about it. It’s most likely you’ll stick with your plan if you make it public. You’ll feel more accountable to the people with whom you share your goals.  It’s harder to give up.

 c) Make it a priority. Once people set a goal, in this case a fitness goal, they think that’s it. No. Make it a priority. Every day you need to think about that goal. Every day you need to work towards achieving that goal. You need to exercise 5 to 6 times per week. You need to eat the right food. You need to be obsessed with that goal. 

 5) Do you coach fitness only or you do something else? 

 I’m a personal coach as well. It’s like life coaching; however, I don’t like to use that name, its too cliché. I help people achieve their goals, from fitness to personal life to career and beyond. But lots of people are confused or don’t know much about that. I help people set better goals and then reach those goals.  I ask my clients to do more than they would have done on their own. I also help my clients focus better to more quickly produce results and provide the tools, support and structure to accomplish more.  Bottom line, my clients get focused and produce faster because they have a coach.

  6) Please tell me what have you learned by coaching people for such a long time? 

 Good question… Well, I know people. I know when someone’s going to accomplish his or her goal. I can tell. I can tell by the way they talk about their goal, by their actions, by their attitude. It’s very clear to me, it comes very very easy. No matter what goals you have, either personal or professional, you need to be obsessed with that goal in order to be achieve it. You need to breathe that goal.  You need to think about it all the time. That goal’s got to become you and you need to become that goal in order to be achieved. I learned that and I applied it for myself with my goals. There’s no part-time goals. Goals are only full-time. 

 7) What’s next for you?

 Right now I’m working on my book. I’m writing a book about my story and not only. I’ve been through a lot so far, like all of us, and leaned a lot of life lessons. I want to share my story with the world and pass on the life lessons that I’ve learned. I want someone after reading my book to say, “That’s it, enough with excuses, I’m going for it”… I want to motivate people and teach them valuable life lessons. We all have our life lessons and experiences. I want to give you the opportunity to be able to look at them from a different angle. 

 8) What is the purpose of writing the book?

 We are in a constant state of growth; therefore, if I can help someone understand more about himself, if I can help create an awareness about yourself, then it’s a mission accomplished. I’ve done lots of growing and learning myself, I have a passion about that and I want to share that with people. I want to give something back. 

 9) What is the message you’re trying to send? 

 My message is “Wake up!”  Realize that you might be the one who’s holding you back.  “Take responsibility and do something for yourself.”

Respect v Guilt

First and foremost, what is “respect ?”   And, what does “guilt” means?

Respect is one of those interesting words that has a variety of meanings. We begin to understand this word when we are children and our parents refer to actions that we have carried out to demonstrate  that we do or don’t respect them. It is usually in the negative. Respect is usually used to refer to whether we have respect for someone. It is rarely used to refer to self respect. Surprisingly no one is teaching you how to have self respect.

We have come to understand that respect is about how we feel about a person. If we respect them, then we honor who they are. There is a belief that we must respect our parents no matter what. We must respect our elders, we must respect our boss, we must respect people in authority. At times we may struggle with showing respect to any one of these people as their actions have not gained our respect, yet we are to ‘pretend’ to respect them out of respect.  This kind of message, which we teach to young children, is pretty disturbing.  It is filled with mixed signals.  On one hand, we are to respect these people even if they don’t deserve it. On the other hand, what you know as not to be right, ignore that too as their role in life is outside of the rules that you must follow. These kind of beliefs stick with us into our adulthood.

Today society preaches about respecting family.  How many people have you heard saying “it’s family” when a family member gets abused or disrespected?  We don’t even call it how it really is.  Like family is supposed to be an exception to the rule. We all cry out loud when other people don’t show us respect; however, when our own family member is rude or negative, apparently there’s nothing we can do. I bet there’s a member of your family right now whose bad behavior you are tolerating but you’re keeping your mouth shut out of “respect.”  What about their respect to you?  How are you dealing with that?

We are brainwashed to feel guilty when it comes down to demanding respect from a family member. But what is guilt?

Two of the most painful emotions one can deal with are guilt and shame; often they’re related to each other or even mixed up. Guilt is the emotion we feel when we believe we have done something wrong. Shame is what we feel when we believe there is something wrong with us. These beliefs come from all sorts of places: family, friends, religion, social programming, etc.   For example, maybe you feel guilty for leaving the dishes out on the sink instead of using the dishwasher. Guilt doesn’t lead you to believe or feel alienated from others; it just makes you feel responsible for an action you took. Often guilt is experienced within close relationships. Such relationships can be between family members. We feel like we owe someone something for the rest of our life just because we are family and not because they earned it.  For example; I’ve seen lots of people putting up with their children’s bad behavior or even abuse when these so-called “children” reach adulthood. When asked why such behavior is being tolerated, the most common answer is “they’re mine.”

I agree with you, they are your product; however, they are adults now and should be treated accordingly. You’ve done everything to make sure they turned into respectful human beings, but sometimes things don’t turn out the way you planned. Now what? Should you always feel indebted for something you cannot control? If your children, now adults, can live with their decisions, so can you.

Think about teaching your children how to drive. Are you going to be forever responsible if they get into an accident? I don’t think so. At what point should they take responsibility for their own actions? Why you should feel guilty for something that has nothing to do with you anymore?   At some point, after reaching adulthood, everyone should take responsibility for their own actions and we should do it as well.

Another example is between siblings; Just because you come from the same vagina as your brother or sister doesn’t means you owe him or her for the rest of your life and vice versa. Everyone is an adult and has to live their own life.  What if your abusive son (or any family member) that you are currently tolerating wasn’t related to you?  Would you still be accepting that behavior?  Would you still have a relationship with them?  Chances are you would be doing something about it.  Bottom line, everyone should respect you regardless of your relationship. Stand up for yourself. Respect yourself in order to gain the respect of others.

Now you’re probably going to ask yourself, how am I going to get rid of the guilt?

The only way to cure guilt is through acceptance and forgiveness. You must accept and forgive. First you need to accept what already exists, even if it didn’t turn out the way you wanted. Next, you need to completely forgive yourself. Forgive yourself if things aren’t the way they are supposed to be or the way you wanted them to be.  Maybe your child didn’t turn out the way you planned or you think you could have done a better job raising your kid. In order to free yourself from feeling guilty, you must forgive yourself. You must acknowledge and accept that you maybe could have done a better job and that there’s nothing you can do to change the past.

Your child (now an adult) has every right to disassociate with you.  However, you too also have the right to demand respect and forgiveness. It has to be mutual.  This can be accomplished ONLY through communication. If your parents aren’t the way you want them to be, there’s nothing you can do. You can accept them or forgive them… both or none.  However, either way, it has to come from a healthy, non-confrontational healed place.

You might think it’s sad. It’s only sad when you think what it should be or could have been.  It’s not sad because of what it is.  Releasing judgment and forgiving yourself through acceptance will only bring peace into your life. There won’t be any room for guilt or sorrow.  You will be able to live your life with no remorse or bad feelings.

You can experience guilt in many other situations, however, you can only feel guilt when you believe you owe something to someone.  In most cases that’s not real. You experience guilt when trying to live a life that’s not yours and not in alligment with your true self. Be yourself without feeling guilty, its who you are and there’s nothing to be ashamed for.

Feeling guilty is a toxic emotion.  It drains your energy and leads to depression. Release guilt by respecting yourself and accepting what is is. You are allowed to make mistakes – it’s part of growing. And remember, you have no obligation to accept the consequences of other people’s choices, even if they’re family members. Don’t feel guilty when deciding to keep living your life against your society or culture’s belief of what’s right or wrong. It’s your life.  Live it the way you want it, guilt free.

After you read this I want you to give it a few seconds before moving to the next thing. You can easily get rid of at least 30% of the things and feelings you own and I guarantee you’re not going to miss them nor affect your life in a negative way. At least 30% of people you have in your life at the present time are a negative influence or not supporting your cause. Now take a look at you phone(book) and I bet you can easily find 30% of names in there you haven’t called in at least 6 months or more and not planning in calling them (maybe never again). You don’t need at least 30% of the clothes you own; either because you gained so much weight and they don’t fit anymore or there are too old and outdated. Open your fridge and you can easily find 30% of existing food that doesn’t support your fitness goals (or unhealthy) and you should throw it away. Now look around your house/office/apartment/garage and can easily find 30% or more of stuff you don’t need it anymore or even knew you have it. I bet you occupying at least 30% of your time thinking/worrying about things would never happen or happened before and not longer worth thinking about. I also bet you’re spending 30% of your time wasting it in activities/habits that don’t support your existing goals. If you’re looking back to your dating life, I bet there’s 30% of people you wished you haven’t date/got involved or slept with in the past. Lighter is better.

Now, what is this telling you?  

Rational vs Emotional

Our life consists of decisions we make every day. Without knowing, most of us make many of our decisions from an emotional base. Emotions are very powerful feelings yet highly unstable.  Being emotional is usually related to something outside of ourselves.  It’s an energy that makes us feel good.  Like a heat wave. It’s instinctual. On the other hand, rational is coming from inside of ourselves. We own it. It’s not as powerful as being emotional, but it’s very stable. It’s secure.

 In order to acknowledge where our decisions are coming from, we need to actually pay attention and distinguish if they have a rational or an emotional base. The way we do that is to create an awareness about ourselves. But how do we do that?  Before making any decision, especially if that decision will affect us or others in any way, we need to take a few seconds and notice if the decision is rational or emotional.

 Rational decisions are neutral and can sometimes be to our detriment where emotional decisions always protect our interests.  In many cases, if we need to make a rational decision that is going to make us uncomfortable, subconsciously we’re going to let our emotional self take over and change the outcome. It’s a tool we use to protect our ego from being hurt.

For example, everything that we do in life is working towards a goal. Every decision, even small and insignificant ones, are steps towards achieving a certain goal. We might not even be aware of what the goal is, but one definitely exists.   You probably hear the saying, “Things happen for a reason.”  Guess what?  That is very true. The problem is sometimes we don’t know what the reason is until it’s too late.  Eventually we find out when things don’t go our way.  However, you can change that. You can dictate how your life can be.

When we’re hungry, we make a rational decision and eat. It’s only logical to choose to feed our body with nutrients and vitamins required to maintain life on earth. However, we are going to make an emotional decision when we choose what kind of food we are going to eat. We’re all familiar with the decisions most people make. Usually poor ones.  These kinds of decisions don’t support our conscious goal, which in most cases is living a healthy lifestyle or getting in shape.  Instead, we choose the food we “feel like” eating, or food we “crave” at that moment –  an emotional decision.

What is the goal that emotional decision is supporting?   Definitely not our conscious goal which is “getting in shape.”  How many people do you hear saying “I want to get in shape?”   Instead of making rational decisions to achieve the goal of getting in shape, they’ll subconsciously cause everything to stay exactly the same by making poor food choices, choosing sedentary activities, and making other emotional choices that will sabotage their conscious goal.  When making all these emotional decisions, you still have a goal.  We have a subconscious goal when choosing to eat poorly, or when entering a bad relationship, or choosing a career that we don’t enjoy. Unfortunately we’re not aware of what that goal is. Most of us aren’t. Like I said, everything happens for a reason and everything we do in life has a goal. No exceptions.  Our emotional decisions will be towards achieving some subconscious goal or supporting an underlying belief about ourselves.  In most cases, negative ones. Guess what? Sooner or later we’ll end up in a very familiar place. A place we’ve been complaining about from the very beginning.  A place we want to escape from.

But why would we subconsciously work on getting into a place which we consciously dislike or are allegedly striving to escape from?  Because we’ve made too many decisions with an emotional background. Because there’s no awareness about who we are,  what we want to be and where we want to go.

 You’re going to ask now, what about love? Isn’t that an emotion? And I’ll say yes.  By definition, love is a positive emotion or energy. We all want that in our lives. It makes us feel good.  Of course we’re going to make a rational decision and choose to somehow bring more of it into our lives. Often, based on other emotional or rational decisions, that emotion called “love” is either going to multiply or diminish over time. In order to change that, you need to be aware of your decisions and make sure they have a rational base.  Why? Because it’s the only way you’ll have control.

How many times have you heard the saying “love is blind?” I don’t think love is blind.  The person in “love” is the one blinded by the emotion.  How many times do we make foolish choices when we’re in love?  How many times do we refuse to acknowledge that some relationships are not good for us?  I bet everyone has experienced that at least once so far. And that is because we were not in control and made decisions from an emotional base instead of a rational one.

The decisions are the same; the only things that change are the circumstances and situations. This formula applies in relationships, career, personal or professional. Next time you get emotional, please pay attention to what’s happening to you.  It’s like an energy wave coming upon you. It’s like a heat wave. You will feel it when it takes over.  It almost feels like you have no control over it.

Guess what?  You don’t! That’s why it’s important to maintain control by bringing the rational into your life more often.  By choosing to be rational instead of being emotional, you bring a higher level of awareness. Take three to five seconds to distinguish between your emotional response or the rational one. Once you start doing that, there’s going to be less of the “I’m sorry about it” and more of the “I’m happy I did that.”  Thank you and have a rational day.

Set Your Priorities Right!

How many times have you heard yourself or someone else saying, “I will exercise as soon as I finish this,” or “I don’t have time to exercise?”  I must say to you, really?  We all have things to do, places to go, and people to see. So I have to ask you, what are your priorities?  What’s important to you?  Most people will name their priorities as God, family, friends, and career.

 That’s totally fine, but who needs to be present in order to enjoy all of this?   YOU.

We all want to be successful and happy in life, but we ignore the one and only thing that will get us there — our health.  I know, you’re probably thinking the last thing I need is someone else preaching about what’s good for me.  I know and I won’t.  I’m going to discuss the issue from a different angle. Quite frankly the truth is that you are not going to get away with eating healthy and not exercising.  Believe me, no one does. Let’s say you are lucky to be skinny and have great genes, so you think you’re special or different. You’re probably thinking that you don’t have to exercise. Wrong. I’ve seen skinny diabetics – believe me, skinny people get heart attacks too.

Listen, I don’t want to be negative but sometimes we need to hear what happens if you don’t do the right thing. Sometimes you really need to wake up and smell the coffee.  Don’t wait until you’re in some sort of critical condition to realize that you should have been working out. It doesn’t have to be that way.  Don’t wait until is too late.

 I have driven by car washes many times and have seen so many overweight people washing their cars.  It never fails to make me angry. If people took care of themselves the way take care of their cars, the world would be a better place. There’s no way around it, sooner or later the lack of exercise catches up with you.  And in most cases it does it when we least expect it.

 Everyone gets frustrated when they get sick.  Everyone says, “I hate when I get sick.”   The truth is most people put so much garbage in their bodies and treat themselves so badly that their immune system can’t take it anymore. It’s just a matter of time until illness strikes. Well, you have a choice here. You have the choice to stay healthy. Now let me ask you. What are you going to choose?

 All I’m telling you is, DO it.  Exercise! You first need to do it for yourself. If it comes from within you, you’re more likely to stick to it. If you truly believe that exercising and keeping healthy is a key component in achieving success and happiness, you will do it regularly.  Treat exercising like any other project. As we all know, everything we do needs to have an ultimate goal.  Everything. For example, when you exercise, your goal is to stay healthy because if you are healthy you can accomplish many things. An example is fitting into a smaller pants size — because if you do so, you’ll have more success in dating and your confidence level with go up. Staying in shape will raise your self-esteem and you’ll feel better about yourself. The list can go on and on. There is so much profit from exercising that I wonder why people don’t do it more often.  I hear all the time,  “But I do take care of myself.”  Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean a manicure and pedicure or getting a massage or buying a new car or new clothes. Rather, this is a cover for low self-esteem, lack of confidence or even depression. It’s a quick fix. It doesn’t solve the problem.

  Eventually the consequences for your lack of exercising (keeping it healthy) are shown when you don’t get that promotion at work or when you are rejected in the dating scene.  Your lack of confidence will prevent you from going after your goals and your low self-esteem could get you into many bad relationships.  That is when you’ll see the true result of not exercising. You’re going to start blaming others for your misfortunes or failures when you can only blame yourself.  So, in the end, why don’t people exercise?  Because there’s no patience anymore.  Everyone wants instant results.  However, we all know great things take time. The human body goes at its own speed. Human bodies don’t rush things. You might try certain diets and cleansings with quick results, but the weight will come right back. There’s a reason why so many quick weight loss diets and cleansings are only prescribed for a short period of time.  If these “quick fixes” are done for a long period of time, they will harm you. They’re not good for you.

 Here’s a quick tip for you.  In anything you do (career/relationships/diets/ etc), if you are not able to sustain it for the rest of your life because it eventually hurts you or makes you unhappy, it’s not good for you. You’ll eventually drop it and will have wasted an enormous amount of time. Interestingly, the first thing many people drop when there’s lack of time, or money its exercising.  Many seem to prefer to spend time looking for a larger dress size than getting to the gym and working it off.  It makes no sense.

 Now let me put it this way to you. Let’s say you’re dead. You just had a heart attack and you died. Now that has happened, let me ask you one thing — if you knew that four hours of exercising per week would have saved your life, would you do it? Would you go to the gym tomorrow and start an exercising program?  I hope you say yes, and do you know why? Because you’re dead now and you don’t want that to happen again! You have given yourself another chance.

 I know, it sounds horrible; however, sometimes we need to see the other side and become frightened to make things happen. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom in order to change things. All I’m asking you is to avoid the “real thing” happening.  Avoid getting in serious trouble because of lack of discipline. Take care of yourself by exercising and eating healthy instead of shopping or trying quick fix gimmicks. Great relationships, successful careers and eventually happiness are achieved through exercising. There’s no secret about it. Make time for yourself every day. Set your priorities right. Stop procrastinating and start living the life you have always wanted! Thanks you and good luck.

We’re all familiar or have at least heard about MMA (mixed martial arts). It’s the fastest growing sport in the world. MMA is the only sport that brings almost every contact sport together under one discipline. There are both male and female divisions.  I have the privilege of being the strength and conditioning coach and wrestling coach of the most talented female fighter in the world, Ronda Rousey. Let me tell you a little about her background. She is a two-time Olympian and won the bronze medal in Judo at the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. As a matter of fact, she is the ONLY female to win an Olympic medal in Judo for the United States.  Now she’s competing in MMA in one of the most valuable leagues in the world, Strikeforce. Not only is she undefeated, but she won all her fights in under a minute which is very rare in MMA in both divisions, male or female. 

 Everyone is asking me about her training regimen, nutrition and the secret to her success. This time I won’t talk about that.  Instead, I will talk about the psychological impact that Ronda has on her opponents. One of Ronda’s exemplary skills is her ability to take her opponent down and finish her fights in a spectacular matter.

 Ronda has been practicing Judo since she was a little girl. After practicing a skill for a very long period of time, not only you will master that particular skill (Judo in her case), but that skill will become you.  That skill will become your DNA; it will become part of who you are.  Let me put it this way, Ronda learned Judo like others learn to ride a bicycle. She will never forget that skill. 

 Now you can probably say that everyone has a skill.  Wrong.  Athletes have skills and are talented in certain areas. Skill and talent are totally two different things. Since MMA is a very new sport, most girls that are competing started MMA in their adulthood.  There are many girls talented in one or more areas of this sport, such as boxing , grappling, or kicking but no one has mastered any of these skills like Ronda has mastered Judo. They are just talented. 

 You probably say, isn’t that enough?  NO, and I’ll explain why.  Under pressure, which in this case is during the fight in the cage, the human mind subconsciously will withdraw into a safe place. Under pressure, the human mind will go to a place that’s comfortable, a place that has been there for a very long time. In Ronda’s case that is Judo.

 However, in most girls, that place/room is empty; it doesn’t exist.  A girl that is considered talented in a particular area will act like a novice during high pressure.  The talent or newly acquired skill will only last until the high pressure comes and then it will vanish like smoke.  It’s a psychological effect I called, mental withdrawal.  It is when people under pressure subconsciously withdraw to a place of comfort.  It’s like an overweight person who binge eats under pressure or stress. He can lose weight but under lots of stress he’ll start eating again and the weight will come right back. It’s what he did for a long time. It’s who he is. That’s why all the girls that fight Ronda will seem as if they have little or no skills during the fight (or under high pressure). 

 Another aspect of pressure is FEAR. Most athletes are afraid of losing for several reasons.  It can be financially, career or ego related. No one likes to lose; we get our ego bruised and have to start all over again. It’s a common experience of fear in athleticism. Well, in Ronda’s case, the girls who fight her are afraid of getting injured. Ronda’s opponents are afraid of getting their arms broken (like in the last fight). That is a different fear. This fear is so deep that it will alter your performance, your thinking and everything you have learned, especially if it’s a newly acquired skill.

Please don’t get me wrong, no one in this sport (or any other sport) will come out and admit that she’s afraid. They will even say the opposite. However, deep down it’s something different. Ronda’s opponents are very familiar with her background and know they don’t have what it takes to win the fight against her. It’s like running a marathon. Ronda’s at the 20^th mile and these girls are just starting to run. There’s too much deficit.

Going back to fear.  The fear of bruising your ego or just losing in general is very superficial compared with the fear of losing an arm. Losing an arm will have a different impact on you and your team.  For example, Ronda is well known for finishing her fights in under a minute and with an arm bar, which is a technique that can possibly damage your elbow joint permanently.

 Now let’s look into what Ronda’s opponent’s corner might advise their athlete. Well, knowing that Ronda’s never had a fight that has lasted over a minute, one piece of advice would be, “You need to make the fight last,” or “You need to go the distance.”  In other words “RUN!”  The opponent’s corner is reinforcing the feeling of fear that is already there. And believe me, that’s exactly what they are going to say. Again, a lose-lose situation.

 Other advice will be, “Watch out for that arm bar!” or “Protect your arms!” This advice just emphasizes the fear of the arm being broken. Well let me tell you that fear is already there.  The team is just reinforcing it.  Again, a lose-lose situation and validation of their athlete’s fears.  

 Now you’re probably going to ask me, what’s the answer? What’s the purpose of this article? And, how will these fighters that are going to fight Ronda be able to deal with her amazing fighting skills?  The reason for this article is to introduce you to the insights of an athlete’s mind and what opponents are dealing with against a fighter of Ronda’s caliber. How they’re going to adapt and deal with the situation is something I cannot talk about. I hope you find this article interesting and I welcome your thoughts. Thank you.

We all want our investments to be safe and to be assured beforehand that our endeavors are going to be successful. One sad truth is that most people never try anything new because of fear of failure.  People feel they must be assured of success before venturing into new territory.

Well, life doesn’t work like that. If life was so predictable, everyone would be successful.  As a matter a fact, success wouldn’t have any meaning or value if it was like that. Success by definition is the ability to move forward with your dreams in spite of the challenges and failures you may encounter on your way toward reaching your goals. That is what makes success enjoyable and worthwhile.

I have come to a full understanding that one of the first truths about success is that you must let go of the things that you cling to the most. You must get out of your comfort zone and step into the unknown. You need to take chances. We must release the things in which we find security, such as money, time, poor relationships or false jobs.

Let me give you a couple of examples to explain what that means. Over ten years ago, I was part of the Romanian Olympic wrestling team with a bright athletic future in front of me. I had a secure job. I was paid to train, to travel and compete. I enjoyed a VIP status due to my wrestling accomplishments and being an Olympic hopeful.  I was living every athlete’s dream.  I was “safe” and I was “comfortable.”

As I stated earlier, we must release the things in which we find security.  In my case, it was job stability, being an Olympic hopeful, and a successful athletic career. Despite what many called at that time a big mistake, an opportunity presented itself.  I let go of everything and moved to the US. I had no assurance of finding success; I just believed in myself and I had confidence.

People believe that courageous individuals have no fear. That is a mistaken belief.  Eddie Richenbacher put it very well when he said, “There is no courage without fear.”  We all have fear; however, not everyone becomes subservient to their fears.  In fact, I used my fears as fuel to move forward.

 If you’re reading this and are struggling with moving on or forward, you need to ask yourself a few questions:  What are you afraid of? Are you afraid to take a chance? Are you afraid that you might make a mistake? Let me tell you, you don’t have to worry about whether you can handle it or not, because with every new responsibility that is placed upon you, your spirit will grow to match it. Your capacities will enlarge and your abilities will improve.

And I meant it when I say that. Living in the US for the first time, I faced many unusual and unfamiliar situations.  I had to make decisions that constantly changed my life, and I adapted to each one of them. There’s no difference between you and a car driving in the dark. You can only see a few feet in front of you, but you can drive for hundreds of miles and avoid every obstacle that might come in front of you.

Another real life example is when I bought my current business. I had never run a business before. I didn’t attend school to learn about marketing or business ethics. However that didn’t stop me. I left my comfort zone as an employee, armed with confidence in myself and the belief that I could manage a successful business and moved into my fears. I took action. I put all my savings on the line, took out a large business loan, and made a commitment to success. Guess what? Business has been more than good to me.

You must remember: you have the potential. The resources and opportunity are available. The only thing missing is your decision to go for it. You will never grow if you always feel the need to be “comfortable.”  As an entrepreneur you must get comfortable being uncomfortable. But what is “uncomfortable”? Uncomfortable is when we experience fear, when we’re afraid of failure. Obviously, no one likes to fail; however, when that stops you from moving forward in life, you need to recognize it, acknowledge it, and shake it off.

Courage is the mental muscle that conquers fear.  Like all muscles, the more you use them, the stronger they become.  Courage is not something you are born with; it must be developed.  Individuals who fail to develop courage remain confined in a mental prison and face each day as mental lightweights.

Each one of us has a vast amount of success inside, something we could be sharing with the world that would give us great satisfaction.  Something that would enrich not only our lives, but also the lives of other human beings.

However, opportunities are not waiting for you — you must create them.  But what does that mean?  Creating an opportunity is like planting a seed.  We plant seeds on a daily basis for the things we want to accomplish in the future. We are slowly working on different projects every day so that we may later enjoy the product of our work. For example, you can save money for buying a car so that when the opportunity presents itself, you are able to own a vehicle of your choice.  Athletes train hard every day so that one day they will have the opportunity to become champions. Everyone is the creator of their own opportunities. No exceptions.

In my case, I always dreamed of owning my own home.   After ten years of living in the United States, I created the opportunity to purchase a house and I jumped at the chance.  Again, I put everything on the line (conquered my fear) and made a commitment (took the opportunity).  Now I can proudly say that another dream came true.

You must remember, you should never settle for less than what you deserve and always believe that you deserve the best.  There’s no secret about success, all you need is a strong work ethic, discipline, perseverance, and the belief that you can do it. Thank you and good luck.

One night I was sitting at home thinking about how much I’ve changed, about how much I grew. We are all familiar with the saying “People don’t change.”  However, I’m the living proof of the opposite.  People do change.  Believing we can’t change encourages us to let the weaknesses define us.

We all have personality traits or ingrained cultural/social habits; however, we should not be held captive by them. How many people with vicious habits or addictions claim that they’re not capable of stopping? Of course, it is much easier to sustain harmful behavior when we place responsibility outside of ourselves and blame genetics or an “addictive personality.”  To believe that people can’t change is the same as believing people will never grow or learn. 

When you learn something new, that knowledge somehow is going to change you. Each life experience adds to your personal database creating additional resources to draw from when interacting with the outside world.  Each event in your life is slowly going to change who you are.  That’s just the way it is. Everyone faces the same temptations to act or get involved in negative behaviors, but we also build a body of experience that reminds us that the reward isn’t worth the penalty. When you experience a repercussion based on your behavior that will be a lesson from which you can learn. 

In a sense, we’re always changing and always staying the same. Eventually it’s going to be our choice to let the transformation occur. When I compare myself today with who I was a few years ago, I observe I am the same, yet more.  I’m the same in how I think and process information, but experience has changed the way I interpret everything. Every day adds a new layer of character. As I learn more about myself, I also discover more tools that help me deal with life experiences.

On another note, we should anticipate aging with optimism rather than something that inspires negativity or dread.  The saying “people don’t change” is harmful because it denies the possibility of redemption and growing as an individual.  There’s something profound about hitting rock bottom and having nowhere to go but up. The man who has experienced the lowest point of existence and conquered his personal demons has an empathy that’s lacking in most “saintly people.”  In a society supposedly built on forgiveness, it’s remarkable how eager we are to label people as permanent degenerates or other labels laced with negativity.

 Circumstances, hardships and life experiences lead many people to do foolish things. To claim these mistakes are irredeemable is hypocritical. If the world labeled you based on your most depraved moments, how would you be judged? People do change. When we make a decision for the first time, we have no obligation to the past.  We cannot control anything except our own thoughts and our behavior.  If we could improve only one thing, it should be ourselves.

With that being said, know that we always have the option to change.  However, it has to be our decision to do so.  It has to come from within. Thank you.