Leo Frincu

I strive every day to understand people and the world we live in and often I come up with an answer.  Well, this time I’m stuck and I might need your help.  I came up with the conclusion that we are the only “animals” on planet Earth who are consciously hurting ourselves.  Since we are able to make decisions and live with the consequences, we seem to be in constant pursuit of hurting ourselves.  It is as if we want to be in pain.  Now my question is, why? Let me explain to you what I mean.

 Let’s take for example a regular person who tries to get in shape. We are all familiar with the struggle people go through to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  And my question is, why are we struggling? Why do people struggle with something as vital as living a healthy and longer life?  Why is something so important a struggle? 

Okay, let’s say you have made a decision to get in shape.  You have consciously decided to eat healthier from now on.  That’s great.  How is that making you feel?  I’m sure it helps you make you feel good about yourself. How many times have you decided to go for what’s good for you and your goals instead giving in to certain cravings?  If you are like most people, you probably did it quite often and I congratulate you for that.  So far so good…

 Now, let me ask you this.  How many times have you had a healthy meal but wished you had had something different, something you crave? There’s no doubt that at some point you’ve said or heard someone saying out loud, “I wish I could have mashed potatoes instead of steamed veggies?”  This is just to give a little example. I don’t have to be a psychic to guess that it has been many times.  Knowing that a particular craving is not in alignment with your goals, why still crave it?  Why are you still wishing to have or do certain thing knowing that eventually it’s going to hurt you?  It’s like saying, I wish I could have a little poison every day and, hopefully, one day that’s going to kill me. It makes no sense. Why do we go for short term rewards versus long term consequences?

In this case, we cannot call it subconscious sabotage anymore since we’re talking out loud about it. Every day we’re telling ourselves, and others, what our self-destroying wishes are.  We need, for once, to start paying attention to what we’re saying. What is our message? How many times have you made public your sabotaging wishes?  Once you acknowledge your thought process, you’ll be able to start shifting it towards to what you want to accomplish. You need to believe that what you are doing is right for you.  Treating yourself right needs to become a priority to you.

Let’s now compare our behavior with a wild animal.  How many times have you seen a lion eating grass knowing that it will slow him down?  How many times have you seen an animal eating the wrong food knowing that it eventually will kill him or disable its surviving skills?  Not many.  Since we are the most intelligent living species on earth, why are we consciously doing so much harm to ourselves?  In order to gain control we need to control our cravings.

 You’re probably saying that craving is a chemical reaction, but I have to disagree with you.  I will tell you a personal story to prove the opposite.

Every morning I wake up and have a cup of coffee. I add a splash of Half and Half and two (very little) bags of Splenda.  Since I know Splenda is not good for me (in the long term), I still make the choice to have it. It helps the coffee taste better.  However, today I wake up and start pursuing my usual habit when all of a sudden, I ask myself, “Why are you doing this to yourself?”  Knowing that Splenda’s not good for me, why do I choose to have it?  Big wake-up call.  Immediately I put the Splenda back on the shelf and say to myself: “You will love the coffee without it as well.”  I made the CHOICE to love the coffee without my usual artificial sweetener. Guess what?  It worked.

Believe it or not, I didn’t even notice the difference. My desire to pursue a healthy lifestyle was stronger than the crave itself.  I don’t believe in cravings.  If you give in to your cravings, your goal it’s strong enough to compete with them.  Bottom line; control your life by controlling your cravings.  There are a few ways you can do that.

Like any other fight, we all do better when we know who we’re fighting. When the craving takes over our mind and our spirit, it becomes us. It’s harder when you need to fight with yourself; therefore take yourself out of the picture. Give the craving an identity.  Give the craving a face and body or even a name — usually a name you hate… like “Bad Boy/Girl.”  When craving takes over, you become a different person.  You become that “Bad Boy” or that “Bad Girl.”  

 We all have an ideal person we want to become.  Every person has a goal for himself or herself in terms of who they want to be or become in the future. Now picture yourself that person.  Fast forward into the future and picture yourself “skinny, rich, successful, married” or whatever you want to be or become. You can even give it a name like “Smarter Mike” or “Skinny Tammy.”  That’s who you want to be in your future.  Now you look back at becoming that craving. You’re becoming that “Bad Boy.”  Every time you have a craving that is not in alignment with who you want to be or become ask yourself, “What would smart Mike do now?’” or, “Would skinny Tammy eat that right now?”  Acknowledge that you are doing this to yourself.

 Seek the answer and regain control.  Hold the power.  Keep the “Smart Mike,” “Skinny Tammy” or whatever you want to be or become on your sight. Don’t ever take your eyes off the prize. Eventually you will become the person you always wanted to be. Eventually you and “Smart Mike” or “Skinny Tammy” will be the same person.  It’s an exercise like any other. The more you practice it the better you will get at it. That is the ultimate accomplishment.

First of all, don’t hate just because I might have a different oppinion than yours…

Today I’m going to talk a little about religion. Everybody knows that religion is a sensitive subject… but why?  It is a sensitive subject because, by trying to understand it, by trying to put rationality into it, you might shatter people’s lifelong beliefs. By putting logic into something so emotional and so ingrained in people’s beliefs and ways of living , you’re going straight to their core. You’re going toward a path allowing doubt to enter their foundation of beliefs about God.

That’s why there’s no questioning about it. Believe me, no one will allow that.  Nobody wants to all of a sudden realize that everything they believed in from generation to generation is questionable or not even true. The history of believing is far too long and much too established to even try to contest it.  There are lots of religious organizations in this world such as Christianity, Judaism, Catholicism, Buddhism … just to name a few. One of the most prominent religions has God as a leader figure to which people pray and believe in.  I have absolutely nothing against any religion. As a matter of fact, if it helps people to stay positive and motivated, I’m all for it. I believe, at the beginning, the founders of any religion had good intentions. Their intentions were to give people a way to live a structured life and to follow a set of beliefs to help them conduct healthy and positive lives.  The ultimate goal was to bring families and communities together.  Also, religion, allegedly, is supposed to give us a meaning in life and a hope for more… which is life after death. Now I have a questions for those dedicating their life to religion — why do you sacrifice your life, your only life, for something no one can prove exists or been there to talk about it?

 Unfortunately, now, far from the original purpose of having a positive influence in people’s lives, religion has transformed into a totalitarian empire.  Nowadays people and countries use religion as a tool to manipulate others to commit crimes against humanity.  Religion is also used in politics to manipulate voters and gain control and popularity.  How is it that something originally designed to be so good for you can be used to create so much pain?

 These are just a few example of what religion can do. Please don’t get me wrong, it does a lot of good, but that’s all we hear about. We’re not here to talk about that; we are here to talk about things people usually don’t talk about, especially the ones practicing religion.  All of a sudden, religion starts becoming a competition.  My religion’s better than yours type of thing.  As soon as anyone questions religion, that person is immediately labeled as an atheist or a non-believer and treated almost like an enemy.  Why?  If I respect your beliefs, why you shouldn’t respect mine, even if they are different from yours?

 I have often found myself using God’s name in everyday conversation. Using God’s name has become part of our society and our vocabulary. Now I have a few questions myself regarding religion and God. You have to agree with me; nowadays the church is one of the most profitable businesses in the world.  The global recession seems to have had no impact; their profit is still escalating.  Would you like to guess why?

 First and foremost, most part of religion is fear based. When you’re seeking support and guidance you’re coming from a vulnerable place. Religion goes to the core of people seeking guidance and then manipulates them.  Notably, people are threatened with going to a horrible place called “hell” if they don’t believe in God or follow their church’s rules. Now where is the goodness here? There’s no doubt that church uses scare tactics in order to recruit and maintain its followers.

 By now you probably are getting a little nervous because I’m touching a sensitive spot.   Let me tell you, there is a reason you feel that way. If religion made sense and had a solid structure, there would not be any more misinterpretations and it wouldn’t be a sensitive subject.

 We are all familiar with many athletes who proclaim their faith in public. How many times have you heard “I dedicate this win to Jesus” or “With God’s help, I was able to accomplish this or that,” or “God helped me achieve this victory.”  I bet you have heard these assertions many times over.  Nothing wrong with that.

 Now we all know that God gets credit for anything good that happens. God gets credit for the victories and wins.  But let me ask you – who is really responsible when you lose? Since everyone gives their praise to God publicly when they win — how about when they lose?  Why does no one ever go public and say “I thank God for this loss because He wants me to learn a lesson.”   Or, “I deserve to lose because God chose that.”   Or, “I thank God for getting injured in this game.” Let’s think about it.  Who is really responsible for the failures?  Why is no one making this public?  Why do people only mention God why when things go well?  You’re probably saying, there is a reason for your loss.  God is testing you. How many time have you heard, “God is testing my faith in Him.”  Really? Why, when you voluntarily and with an open heart choose to dedicate your life and your spirit to God, does he choose to test that?  Since you believe in Him, why he doesn’t He believe back? Why does God doubts your faith in Him?  Why does He need to put you to the test? It looks to me like God’s got some trust issues.

 Another issue. We both agree that religion/church is a business.  On July 15, 2007, the Los Angeles Archdiocese announced the largest church settlement of sexual abuse lawsuits to date, agreeing to pay more than 500 alleged victims a total of $660 million. There was a massive settlement; all charges were proven as guilty. Let’s compare religion/church with restaurant business/restaurants .  If we found out that there were 500 food intoxication cases followed with a lawsuit and a massive settlement, do you think that the restaurants involved would still be in business?  Do you think people would continue to eat (pray) at that restaurant? I don’t think so. So why do people accept this?  Because no church member is allowed to question anything that church does. That’s why.

 Since the Bible encourages a man to marry a woman, why doesn’t the Catholic Church allow priests to get married?  Since marriage, as both a natural institution and a sacred union, is rooted in God’s plan for creation and perpetuation of our species, why are priests not allowed to have sex? Perhaps there are economical and financial reasons.  Well, it sounds like a double standard if you ask me.

 Another point. We experience disasters and tragedies every day in which people are killed or injured.  On the other hand, we often witness when someone’s life is saved or miraculously spared.  Immediately God is given credit for that. How about the ones who didn’t get lucky?  Why is God not being held responsible for the tragedies?

Most people would probably say “God didn’t make that happen,” and I would reply right back saying, “God ALLOWED for that to happen.”  Right?  Why no one does ever publicly say that?  I have often heard the saying “People do bad things to people, not God.”  Okay, and then when people do good things to people, give them the credit for that and not to God. Listen, I’m not against God.   I just have some questions.  It needs to make sense to me before I invest my body and spirit in religion.  I understand that people need to believe in something, but how about believing in themselves?  Let us all take credit when some good thing happens.  Let us all take credit for the dedication, discipline, and hard work we put into accomplishing our goals.  Let us take credit for our successes since we are the ones who are also held responsible for our failures.

 I believe everyone should be his or her own God. If everyone would start to believe in themselves like they believe in God, there would be more success stories around.  Bottom line … God won’t take care of people’s business until people do it for themselves.  I believe if more people would turn inwards for guidance rather than seek it somewhere outside themselves, there would be more peace in the world.  If there were more people seeking answers within themselves, there wouldn’t be anyone else to blame besides themselves, and therefore there wouldn’t be as many crimes happening in the name of God.

 It’s not easy, but it’s doable.  If you look inside yourself and then take action, you will be the only one held responsible for the outcome. If you find the answer, that means you own it.  And there’s the difference between spirituality and religion. You own spirituality and religion owns you. Have great day. Thank you.

1) What is so special about you and what you do? 

 First of all, I know what I do. I’ve been involved in athletics since I was a little boy. I know everything about the human body, how it works and how long it takes to achieve your goals. It’s almost like a gift that I have. It’s pretty amazing. My favorite selling tool is common sense. It has to make sense to me and you before starting any training program. It’s all about being honest; you cannot fake that. Also, I love what I do and that shows in my work. It’s all about passion. I am passionate about helping people achieve their goals.  It makes me feel good that I can have a positive influence in someone’s life. A while ago I started asking myself: What is my purpose? What is my role in life? I wanted to make a difference. You see you’re not born with this — you need actively to pursue it, actively need to discover it. At some point an opportunity came and I became an entrepreneur in the business of helping others. What can be more beautiful than doing what you love and getting paid for it?  What can I say, I am a fortunate guy.

 2) What inspired you to stay so disciplined? 

 I wanted to succeed. That’s why I left Romania, to come to the United States and do something with my life. I didn’t know what I wanted to do but I definitely knew what I didn’t want. I didn’t want an average life with an 8 to 5 job. I wanted to discover my passion and somehow turn it into my career. That was my goal and in order to do that I needed to stay disciplined. You cannot achieve success without sacrifices.  It’s about how much you’re willing to let go in order to move forward. Discipline sounds like such a hard thing to do, sounds more like a chore; however, it’s not like that. It’s more like an empowering thing. Discipline sounds hard only when you looking at it from a “victim” mentality. You see, when you say “no” to things, you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself because you cannot do this or cannot do that. For example, when you say ”no” to junk food, sedentary activities or other instant pleasure generated activities or hobbies, you should feel empowered because you have the strength to do it. You have the power. You should feel good about yourself because you are doing it for yourself and not for someone else. Saying “no” in order to achieve your goals is hard only when you don’t care about yourself, only when you don’t love yourself.  Therefore, I like to use the term “structured lifestyle” instead of “discipline.”

 3) What are the three most common fitness mistakes? 

 a) People don’t have patience anymore. They want everything fast. One thing you cannot rush is how your body works. Your body’s going at its own pace. All you can do is to help it go faster in the right direction. Nowadays everything is fast… the Internet’s fast, food processing is fast and people tend to believe they can do the same thing with losing weight. They’re doing all kind of cleansings or fast diets that don’t last and then they’re right back where they started. By definition, “diet” it’s a temporary thing, therefore remember one thing, whatever you are doing right now, whether it’s exercising, diets, relationships, pretty much your lifestyle, if you cannot sustain for the rest of your life it is most likely you will not stick with it. For example, regarding any quick fix — there’s a reason they are only designed for a short period of time. It will hurt you or be detrimental if you do it for long a period of time.  People need to remember, there’s no “quick fix”… always question that. When you say “it’s too good to be true”…lemme tell ya, most times it is!!!

 b) Weigh-ins. People are so hung up on the numbers. I always hear people saying, I want to lose 10 lbs, or 15, or 20… and I ask back, “How did you come up with that number?” It’s not about the scale; it’s not about the number of pounds. It’s about how you look and how you feel. Stop weighing yourself every day. Stop stressing yourself over the numbers. During your exercise program you might even gain a few pounds. Don’t panic, these pounds are muscle weight. The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn, therefore the more fat you lose. It’s a no-brainer. 

 c) People should eat more often. People think if they want to lose weight they need to starve. No. You need to eat. Small meals throughout the day. You need to make sure you have your fruits, vegetable, fats and protein every day. Every day when you’re sitting down at the table and you’re about to eat, take a few seconds, look down to your plate and ask yourself: how is this meal serving my goals? Is this what I want to do to myself? People eat a bad food and immediately feel guilty about it. Well there’s a reason you do that. Why do you want to feel that way? What’s the reason behind it? Before eating every meal, look down and ask yourself again: How is this meal going to make me feel about myself? Really seek the answer and make the change of necessary.  There’s a reason for everything, even for eating a meal that doesn’t serves your goals. There’s a subconscious reason when you still making the choice to eat it. Your job is to find out why you doing it.  Nowadays food is a social thing and brings people together which it’s cool.  However, make sure you’re looking down on your plate and see that you’re doing the right thing.

 4) What are the three most important rules people should live by to accomplish their fitness goals? 

 a) Discipline.  You need to have discipline; it builds character and confidence. Again, you’re doing this for yourself. Even when it comes from someone else like your doctor, or your trainer, or your family, it’s still about yourself.

 b) Structure. Once you set a goal, make sure everything you do is towards accomplishing that specific goals. Decide on a plan of action, write it down if you need, and stick with it. Look at it every day. remember what you need to do every day. Another thing, make it public, make sure your friends and family know about your goals and give you the support you need. Don’t be shy about it. It’s most likely you’ll stick with your plan if you make it public. You’ll feel more accountable to the people with whom you share your goals.  It’s harder to give up.

 c) Make it a priority. Once people set a goal, in this case a fitness goal, they think that’s it. No. Make it a priority. Every day you need to think about that goal. Every day you need to work towards achieving that goal. You need to exercise 5 to 6 times per week. You need to eat the right food. You need to be obsessed with that goal. 

 5) Do you coach fitness only or you do something else? 

 I’m a personal coach as well. It’s like life coaching; however, I don’t like to use that name, its too cliché. I help people achieve their goals, from fitness to personal life to career and beyond. But lots of people are confused or don’t know much about that. I help people set better goals and then reach those goals.  I ask my clients to do more than they would have done on their own. I also help my clients focus better to more quickly produce results and provide the tools, support and structure to accomplish more.  Bottom line, my clients get focused and produce faster because they have a coach.

  6) Please tell me what have you learned by coaching people for such a long time? 

 Good question… Well, I know people. I know when someone’s going to accomplish his or her goal. I can tell. I can tell by the way they talk about their goal, by their actions, by their attitude. It’s very clear to me, it comes very very easy. No matter what goals you have, either personal or professional, you need to be obsessed with that goal in order to be achieve it. You need to breathe that goal.  You need to think about it all the time. That goal’s got to become you and you need to become that goal in order to be achieved. I learned that and I applied it for myself with my goals. There’s no part-time goals. Goals are only full-time. 

 7) What’s next for you?

 Right now I’m working on my book. I’m writing a book about my story and not only. I’ve been through a lot so far, like all of us, and leaned a lot of life lessons. I want to share my story with the world and pass on the life lessons that I’ve learned. I want someone after reading my book to say, “That’s it, enough with excuses, I’m going for it”… I want to motivate people and teach them valuable life lessons. We all have our life lessons and experiences. I want to give you the opportunity to be able to look at them from a different angle. 

 8) What is the purpose of writing the book?

 We are in a constant state of growth; therefore, if I can help someone understand more about himself, if I can help create an awareness about yourself, then it’s a mission accomplished. I’ve done lots of growing and learning myself, I have a passion about that and I want to share that with people. I want to give something back. 

 9) What is the message you’re trying to send? 

 My message is “Wake up!”  Realize that you might be the one who’s holding you back.  “Take responsibility and do something for yourself.”