6 years oldNEW

I was six, and I needed some candy. It was cold, and I thought I needed a sweater. I turned eighteen, and I thought I needed a beer, then another one, and another one. I wrestled, and I thought I needed a medal. After being a wrestler for a while, I thought I needed to be the best in the world. Then, after becoming the best in the world, I thought I needed a career and more money. Then I realized I was always going to need more money. Then I thought I needed to live in another country and speak a different language. Then I thought I needed another woman, and then another one, and another one. What can I say? I was your typical tough, often- times cocky guy. People needed me, but very few loved me. They didn’t love me because I didn’t love myself. I didn’t know how to love myself. I didn’t even know how to feel good, until the alcohol, sex and other stimulants gave me “pleasure”. I thought pleasure is feeling good. I thought sex is love.

And then, to my bewilderment, instead of feeling better, I started feeling worse. Instead of filling fuller, I felt emptier. I traded temporary satisfaction for long-term deceit. I built a strong ego instead of a deep foundation of self. I had all the answers, but also asked the wrong questions.

I needed more and more of everything. However, the more I got, the less I had. The more I wanted, the lesser I felt. It became a vicious circle.

I might never get the candy or the “sweater”… but I won a lot of medals, drank a lot of beers, slept with a lot of women, got a lot of money, and had a great career. I even moved to another county and spoke a different language. I constantly ran away from my feelings while trying to cover my needs with alcohol, food, work, women, medals and recognition, when I finally realized… I’m going to go crazy if I keep doing what I’m doing. Instead of all these “cover-up” needs, what I truly needed was to find and face MY TRUTH.

Long ago, I was six, and I just wanted to be loved. Then, I was eight, and I wanted a family. Later, I was fourteen, and I wanted to be understood. When I was eighteen, I wanted to be free. Soon, I was 23, and I wanted a new beginning. I was 30, and I wanted to be accepted. I am almost 40, and the struggle is far from over. That’s who I am, and this is what I really need. This is what everyone needs.

There are always needs to be fulfilled, expectations to be met and dreams to be chased. That’s the nature of the human condition. No matter your sex or your age; no matter what background or skin color you have; no matter what language you speak or where you live; no matter what car you drive or what income you have… we are all the same and want the same thing. We want to be loved, accepted and understood. We need help. You can find the right answers as long as you ask the RIGHT QUESTIONS.