How many times have we heard this statement?

Billboards say it. Coaches preach it. Celebrities flaunt it.

There is a good reason why “loving yourself” is important and why we need love more than anything else in our lives.

Everything starts with us. We must love ourselves to love others. We must love ourselves to achieve our goals. Self-love is the currency we trade in exchange for what we want. It is truly a gift to ourselves and a blessing to others.

But the question is:  what is love and how can we give it to ourselves?

Love is a feeling of admiration. Love is warm. Love is blind. And love is earned unless it is the love for your children, which is unconditional.

Love is also universal.  Genuine love feels the same whether loving others or ourselves.

What is the first word that comes to your mind when you describe how you feel about yourself?

Is it a compliment or a condemnation?

What do you think of yourself when you make a mistake? Do you encourage yourself or berate yourself?

How do you feel about your body, your arms, your thighs… even your toes and nails? Do you like your body? Do you trust yourself? Are you proud of your skills, your discipline, your commitment to your goals? The answers to these questions reveal how we truly feel about ourselves.

Think about how you felt and what you did when you fell in love for the first time.

How did you treat your new found love?  How did you talk to him or her?  How did you express your love and earn it in return?

Well, loving ourselves is no different. You need to do and say the same things when dealing, thinking, and talking to and about yourself.

When is the last time you said you’re going to do something and did it? That is how you gain self-trust.

When is the last time you committed to something and delivered? That is how you build self-confidence.

When is the last time you chose the hard but right thing, versus the easy but wrong thing? When is the last time you sacrificed what you wanted for what you needed?

Self-love is earned, not bought or won. Without realizing it, we’re constantly, even desperately, trying to prove we’re worthy of love. Each and every minute we’re either loving ourselves and building ourselves up; or we’re not.

Our relationship with ourselves is the longest relationship we’re going to have. And like anything that lasts, it requires caring and maintenance or it will die. We need to set goals and achieve them periodically. We need to keep our bodies strong and healthy to give us what we want. We need to keep our minds sharp by engaging in new and challenging activities. And last but not least, we need to acknowledge and express our emotions. They are the fuel that power our dreams, give us hope and make us feel LOVE for others and for ourselves.

We must do all of the above and then some as we are own worst critics.  It’s what we need to regain our self-trust, rebuild our self-worth, and redeem our SELF-LOVE. Self-love is a wondrous thing.  But it must be earned and the ball is in our court.


Leo Frincu is a world wrestling champion, author, speaker and performance coach for business leaders and athletes worldwide. To learn more about his training philosophy, check out his latest book, “WELCOME HOME, 3 Simple Steps On How To Reach Your Highest Potential,” available on Amazon and iBooks.