Pain. Everyone gets hurt and has experienced pain in their lives. It is part of living.

There’s physical pain and emotional pain. While we often know where the physical pain originates, we often don’t know what’s causing our emotional pain. A doctor’s visit is usually enough to get us answers and to heal us from our physical pain; however, it becomes more complicated when we include our emotional pain.

My name is Leo Frincu and I’m a Transformational Coach. This article is designed to both alleviate your emotional pain and help you understand where it’s originating.

There are 3 categories of people in this world:
1. the ones who genuinely want to help others and themselves but don’t know how;
2. the ones who genuinely want to help others and themselves and know how; and,
3. the ones who genuinely don’t know what they want and don’t know how to do or get it.

This is why when it comes to pain, there’s no such thing as “people who just want to hurt others.” Nevertheless, others can still get hurt in one’s process or journey of helping himself and others. It happens often and to all of us.

If your feelings are hurt and you want to feel better, you experience emotional pain caused by one of your friends, family members or even a stranger.  When this happens, ask yourself, “who was this person trying to help” rather than, “why was this person trying to hurt me?”

A few examples of emotional pain are feeling disappointed, alone, and sad. And while anger, frustration, and resentment are also emotions, they are merely a consequence of feeling disappointed, alone and sad. Just as laughter is a consequence of feeling joy; crying is a consequence of feeling sad. These are emotions and their consequences.

Furthermore, any emotion you feel, whether is joy or sorrow, is a direct result of a fulfilled or failed expectation.  Therefore, emotional pain comes only from 2 places:

1.  Not understanding our own expectations and consequences; and,
2.  Refusing to accept the consequences of another party’s process, or journey, to fulfill his own needs.

But regardless of where the pain originates, this is not a moral debate. It would be very wrong for one person to purposely hurt others to fulfill his own needs.  We are talking strictly about understanding where emotional pain originates and what we need to do to feel better.  Just as Advil can help alleviate physical pain, you need to understand your expectations and the cause of your pain, to heal emotional pain.

Finding the answers to these questions will help you better understand your feelings and eventually, heal your emotional pain.  They say communication is key, and I couldn’t agree more; however, it’s not about asking questions of others, but rather, finding the answers to the voices in your own head. It’s not about being angry and accusing others of hurting our feelings; but rather, understanding our own feelings while keeping our relationships alive and thriving.

Lastly, one of my clients once told me that when you feel the pain you should start running towards it instead of trying to run away from it, as this is the only way to heal.

What is your lesson, and what have you learned? Send your story to, or leave it in your comment.

God bless.

Leo Frincu is a world wrestling champion, author, speaker and performance coach for business leaders and athletes worldwide. To learn more about his training philosophy, check out his latest book, “WELCOME HOME, 3 Simple Steps On How To Reach Your Highest Potential,” available on Amazon and iBooks.